To Desire or Not To Desire…. and a reminder of how blessed you TRULY are…
About a month ago, as we were driving home from the ski slopes, we listened to a very interesting program on public radio.
The program was about our hidden hormones, specifically Testosterone.
In the program, they interviewed two people with very different life stories.
First was a young man who, due to health problems, spent a year with zero testosterone.
The second person was a woman, a lesbian who decided to undergo a sex change to become a man, receiving high doses of testosterone injections as part of the procedure.
Both stories were very moving, and I could not help but feel much compassion towards what they went through.
Both people were very sensitive and well spoken, and both seemed to have learned a lot from their experiences.
The lesbian (sorry, but I do not remember her name) said that she felt like she was becoming a monster.
As her testosterone level increased, the effect was not only more body hair and less feminine features, but also an increase in sex drive, except it wasn’t at all what she was expecting.
She/he said that when he saw an attractive woman walking by, he felt not just attracted sexually, but more like a rapist, like a carnivorous animal who wanted to devour her prey.
She even said that any sense of power, even standing next to the humming Xerox copying machine, made her feel horny and sexually aroused.
He/she said he had a hard time adjusting to what was happening to him.
He said that when she was still a woman, she always viewed herself as a cool and progressive lesbian, but she did not like AT ALL the kind of male rapist she felt she was evolving into, with those high levels of testosterone hormone injections.
On the other hand, the man whose testosterone level had plummeted to zero, did not know what was happening to him until much later.
He said he had changed beyond recognition.
He was not only uninterested in having sex with his girlfriend, but in general, he said that he had lost all desire.
He felt no desire of any kind.
He could not care less if he ate a slice of boring bread or a sumptuous meal.
This worried him very much, because after all, we live in a world in which our wishes and desires, are the very reason for us to do anything and everything.
But then the interviewer reminded him:
“Please also tell our listeners about the feeling of euphoria that accompanied this lack of desires.”
The man went on to describe that he was in a frame of mind in which everything, absolutely EVERYTHING, looked beautiful, if not perfect to him.
He said he would look at cracks in the asphalt on the road and see nothing but perfection and beauty in the patterns.
He spoke about seeing objects, people, bodies, light, flowers, trees, buildings, with a sense of awe and wonder and deep appreciation of their hidden beauty and perfection.
Even time took on a different pace.
After the radio show, I thought about the two very different stories that I had heard that day.
I thought to myself, that if this man who experienced zero testosterone were a Buddhist monk, he would have realized that he was having an enlightenment episode.
He would have realized that moving beyond earthly desires to experience bliss and the beauty of everything in creation, is the GOAL of many practicing Buddhists.
But being an American with no Buddhist affiliation or beliefs, he saw it as if something were deeply wrong with him, and it made him worry and so he sought help.
On the other hand, the transgender woman described suffering gravely as her testosterone levels rose on her journey to become a man.
She was scared of what she was becoming, wanting and desiring power or sex with everything, be it an animate or an inanimate object.
In my mind, if I had to choose one extreme, it is obvious that it is better to choose euphoria and bliss, over scary raging cravings.
We all have desires.
Some say that our desires are holy and that they are our roadmap to happiness.
I make no value judgment.
I simply aim to explore the nature of desire.
Beyond the material desires for food and shelter, we all want love, security, safety, joy, happiness, peace, fulfillment, and more.
If you constantly look within, you will recognize what is hidden at the very core of what you want.
Let’s say that you want peace and quiet.
Normally, those with such inclinations will try to live or surround themselves with quiet and peaceful surroundings.
The problem with doing this is that quiet and peace cannot be absorbed from the outside in.
There are always neighbors who will mow their lawns when you want to read, or chainsaw a tree when you want peace and silence, or logging trucks that will drive by on the nearby road, or motorboats that will cruise the lake…. you get the point, the list is endless.
Instead of looking for peace and quiet in a serene place, it is best to cultivate a peaceful and quiet MIND.
You are a child of Life, or better, allow me to remind you that you are a holy child of God.
You are blessed with EVERYTHING.
At the core of your being, you are peaceful, quiet, calm, eternal, loving, joyful, abundant, wholesome and serene….
If you need to remind yourself of your many blessings, say to yourself:
“I am blessed as a Son/ Daughter of God.
I am happy, peaceful, loving and contented.
I am blessed as a Daughter/ Son of God
I am calm, quiet, assured and confident!
God goes with me wherever I go!”
Yes, God goes with you WHEREVER you go!
This idea will eventually help you to overcome any sense of worry, anxiety or fear.
People believe that they are separated from God, but you, who are LIFE itself, cannot be separated from LIFE, who created you and thus you can never die.
A sense of loneliness and abandonment is the result of believing in the illusion of separation.
Everyone who does not recognize that our oneness with God is the true state of our being must experience sadness.
After all, thinking that you are a small and separate mortal being is very depressing.
Depression is an inevitable consequence of separation.
So are anxiety, worry, a deep sense of helplessness, misery, suffering and an intense fear of loss.
The “separated ones” have invented many “cures” for what they believe to be “the ills of the world.”
But the one thing they do NOT do is to question the REALITY of the “problem.”
To say it in other words, HOW CAN YOU BE LONELY IF GOD GOES WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO?
You can never be alone, because you contain all of life….
It is impossible to “cure” loneliness, because this “problem” is NOT REAL.
Deep within you is everything that is perfect, ready to radiate through you and out into the world.
It will cure all sorrow and pain and fear and loss, because it will heal the mind that thought those things were real, and suffered from its allegiance to them.
You can never be deprived of your perfect holiness because the Source of holiness goes with you wherever you go.
You can never suffer anything, because the Source of all JOY goes with you wherever you go.
You can never be alone, because the Source of ALL LIFE goes with you wherever you go.
Nothing can destroy your peace of mind, because God, who is all power and Grace, and eternal Peace and boundless LOVE, goes with you wherever YOU go……
Anyhow…. these are just thoughts that roamed through my mind.
Wishing you a world of blessings,