In the last two days, I packed the last of the paintings of my “Shibuya- A search for a new identity” series.
I made the PR package for them, with large images for publishing them in an art book, (which the collector intends to do) and tomorrow I will be shipping them to the collector who bought the whole series.
I’ve enjoyed so very much working on these art pieces for almost a year and a half (excluding traveling time) and now….it is nice to get to the finishing line…
Although…..I must admit that it does feel a little like I am standing in front of an abyss… What comes next?….
I stand on the edge of the unknown and I do wonder…
While in China, I came up with an idea to make a series of twelve paintings, one per month, of nude portraits of myself.
I thought that I can take a nude photo of myself every month for the next year, and translate them into artwork on the same long scrolls that I have been working on.
I have no idea how I am going to make it work exactly, but I plan to integrate doodle images of warriors, beautiful court ladies, and free doodling, all representing my inner critics, fears, as well as good advisors and motivating voices.
It is a good idea and a great opportunity for me to examine my constantly changing bodily image.
I have noticed how much my views of my body and looks, affects me and my moods…. Oh vanity……. vanity is NOT our friend…
But I must admit that I was not sure that this project will generate any commercial interest…
After all, why would anyone want a series of portraits of a nervous low-esteemed-bodily-image naked artist?
But in any case….I decided that even if it will not be so successful commercially, it will be a very good inner therapy- tool for me…an opportunity to reflect, examine and bring issues to the light.
I notice that despite my DEEP conviction that we are NOT our bodies, and that we are Spirits and Souls, and that our bodies ONLY reshape themselves according to the ideas and the belief that we hold in our MINDS – still, on some primitive and basic level, I want to look good, sexy, fit, trim… And that I am still influenced from WITHOUT by what I Judge and “See” in the mirror, (or on the scale) and that it does affect my moods.
Anyway… I may Just do this project for my own self healing and to bring to the forefront of my mind, where I may be stuck in my own growth, by seeing the gap that needs to be bridged between my beliefs and my understanding…
I took some nude photos of myself, and felt unhappy for a day and a half….
Then I started taking some videos of myself, talking about the project and about body-image.
Watching the videos, made me like myself more…
I looked real, vulnerable, honest,…. Dare I say sweet?
In the past three days, I did some experimental drawings of myself.
I used black Chinese ink block which I grind with water on an ink block, to make into liquid.
I used it for the outline of my body and I shaded the details with water mixed with this liquid black ink.
In one of the painting, I made myself tattooed in thin black ink from head to toe.
It looks fabulous.
I did the whole skin with patterns of animals, flowers and birds.
Now I am debating what to do with the background…
I could do the whole painting in black and white…
Do more doodling around the central nude figure…. OR… I could paint the whole background with nature/ landscape scenes… To add more visual color to the background…. I am still undecided and still experimenting…
After I will decide what to do, I will follow and do the whole series with the same guidelines…
After the first photos, I took more photos of my naked body, and did a new drawing of that one.
I must admit that I like the new photos much more, and did not experience the same aversion that I felt while working on the first photo.
It is so intriguing to me, because most of the time, I do like how I look, and feel much gratitude towards my VERY healthy and fit body….
Yet… There is in my mind a clouded self image that is hovering over the way I see myself, and blinds me to be objective and loving towards my body all the time.
It feels childish and immature, to let a bad hair ruin your mood, or a few more pound to make you dislike yourself… I do wonder why we women do it to ourself….
Well, I am rambling about too much… All I can say for closing, is when I described the project to major art lover and collector, he told me he may be interested in purchasing it…
It would be HEAVENLY if it happens.
Wishing you all a wonderful and creative day!