What makes a successful business person, will make a lover cry
In the business world, the qualities that are required to make people successful, are the OPPOSITE of what would make them a good lover.
This means that somehow…… success in business, has developed into the opposite of what would make a person successful in life and in love, and grow in spirit.
I wish to reflect about it out loud here…
First, I would like to start with looking at the word “Business” – it comes from “Busy- Ness”
Or the state of keeping oneself busy.
In old English, it stemmed from ‘Anxiety’ and a state of ‘Being Busy.’
This meaning implies that someone is not living soulfully, or moving slowly with awareness and mindfulness, but instead is moving around in a state of busy-ness.
It is considered that to be successful in business, one must be aggressive.
But in life and in love, an aggressive lover means that he is not attuned to the needs of his lover and not aware of the effects of his actions on his relationships…. and how his energy affects his lover,…. In other words, he is not SENSITIVE, which is what makes for a good lover.
In business, one is expected to be goal oriented, to sell, to make profits, to ensure the interests of the company are held in high regard…
In love relationships, all these would be considered egocentric and uncaring…
In order to succeed in business, one has to employ some strategies that are more comparable to tactics used in WAR, than in Love….
This is why it is so baffling when people talk about the evilness of war, and its damaging effect on the physical, mental and emotional states of those involved, and yet they use war strategies toward their business associate, colleagues, their own families, their lovers, clients, etc.
Even the famous quality that is required to be successful in business, of “Never Giving Up,” when applied in life, will also make you a terrible lover.
In order to be a good lover, it is important to have a soft and gentle disposition…. And a good loving, caring heart.
To consider the happiness of another… And to give up often…
If a person holds on to an argument, to righteousness… If he never gives up….. And always insists on being right, he will soon alienate his lover.
The other day I watched an episode of the fabulous sitcom ’30 Rock.’
In it, Liz Lemon’s (Tina Fay) boss Jack, (a successful businessman with all the characteristics of a ruthless business mind, but with a soft heart) is traveling to Canada with his equally successful wife Avery, who is VERY pregnant.
When they arrive in Canada, Avery goes into labor.
Both Jack and Avery realize that if their daughter is born in Canada, she would not be able to be an American president one day…..
And so…. Determined to make SURE their daughter will follow in their path of success…. They try to make it to the US border to ensure they enter the USA before she is born.
In a hilarious set of events, they are unable to make it to the USA border, due to a major snowstorm that has canceled all flights.
After hitch hiking a ride in a drug-lab-Van, and endangering their lives, Jack turned to Avery in a moment of care and asked her if it would be so bad….. to ‘give up’ just this once…..
To simply surrender and not be so goal oriented….
To be willing to accept that their daughter will be Canadian….
And that she will never be able to be an American president….
Avery, screamed at Jack that she will NEVER give up… That in fact…… she has never given up before….
In a hilarious monologue she admits that she is STILL in girl scouts and that she has by now, thousand of merit badges from selling cookies….
This EXTREMELY funny episode, brought to light how ‘being driven,’ or ‘never giving up’, which are needed qualities to survive and succeed in the business world, can be simply damaging and ridiculous, when applied to life and to love.
If a person adopts these qualities which are needed in order to excel in business, he unknowingly accepts them as valuable and allows them to take root in his personality.
This is the reason that we have so many successful people that can only get along well with their dogs or pets…. And cannot even be happy with a partner…
Which leads me to the concept of how we view marriage and partnership in our societies.
I will illustrate this point from an episode of the equally hilarious sitcom “The Larry David Show.”
In it, Larry is dating a beautiful woman from New Zealand, and over dinner, she mentions that she recently separated from her partner.
Larry picks up on the fact that she used the term “Partner,” to refer to her lover…and he admits that in the USA, nobody thinks of their spouses as a ‘Partner’….. But more like rivals…. Competitors…. Or even the enemy…
The language we use reveals a lot about our society.
The word ‘Husband’ – comes from late old English and it means ‘A Manager,’ ‘Head of household,’ ‘A Master.’
All words that do not imply love or equality, but ownership…
And indeed, in history, women were considered the property of their husband, for a very long time.
In Hebrew, the word for husband is ‘Ba’al,’ which taken to its root, literally means ‘He who claimed her by entering her sexually.’
The words we use for marriage, do not imply love, partnership, caring…. But they do imply ownership, force, duty…. Not exactly good qualities to have in love.
Now… I will mention that as new, bright and sensitive people enter the business and political arenas, the world is changing.
These bright kids hopefully will bring with them a new model of doing business with compassion and care, that will be more in alignment with the model of Truth…. Which says that if it is not good for another…. It is not good at all…
Hopefully one day…. We will see a vast change in the way companies will do business, with their eyes not on profits, nor answering to the shareholders,……. but intent on improving our world and improving the qualities of life and love of those who occupy this tiny planet…
Hopefully one day…. People will become more enlightened, discriminating and demand to be treated with respect, love…. and will treat others this way as well…
Hopefully…..one day…….elective surgery and useless prescription drugs will be replaced with self governing, and with individuals who know how to take care of their bodies and minds….
But this is a long subject for another piece….