For the past few days, I had a great day painting in the studio.
Everything went smooth and felt almost meditative, while I painted and listened to Bach or Mozart.
Not many days were like this, since I started my new art project.
I worked on a large piece from my new project in which I am exploring the concepts of body image and how it influence our Self image.
I can honestly say that this project has thus far proven to be the hardest and most demanding art project I have attempted.
Looking at my nude body and translating it into art, while being attune to my inner dialog and listening to my self doubts, ideas about aging, mortality and fears, is very emotional and demanding.
I am doing all of this while at the same time trying to sort through wrong concepts of beauty and brainwashing, of many years of being exposed to advertising and living in a society that believes in so many wrong ideas about what constitute female beauty and attractiveness.
I noticed many things both wise and foolish, and I often leave the studio feeling like a lot of progress and inner growth was done.
It is very interesting to me that at the first stages of the painting, I am so uptight and anxious when I take the photos of my body and draw the image in pencil on the large scroll.
Later, after many days of gazing and working on the photo and putting in the all the details of the drawing, it no longer feels as if I am painting my own body.
It no longer feel like myself….
It no longer feel like nude at all…. It is just a collection of lines and shadows, just swirls, circles and curvy lines.
All the anxiety evaporates, and it is just me, the artist, trying to do the very best that I can to create a great painting.
I no longer obsess over small details of my body and what makes perfection (or more honestly, lack of it….) and I noticed that my emotions change the longer I work on a piece…
I start to feel that I like how I look… And I find charm and beauty in the lines of my body.
Like I said, it is challenging art project to me, both artistically and emotionally, and I must admit that over all……. I am having a blast!
In the past, when creating art, I only attempted to stretch and challenge myself as an artist, while leaving my own inner being untouched and safely hidden behind the work.
I painted landscapes, trees, fields, still life, nature, city streets and OTHER people, and it all felt safe.
Like many artists, I played with ideas, but never with my own guts.
It is a different time now in my career, as I am maturing both as an artist and as a person.
I am looking within with honesty and nakedness.
I used to be more concerned with making an artistic statement, with exploring techniques, with developing a consistent and intriguing style, with cool and contemporary aesthetics, with ideas of impact versus beauty and more…
But now I am focused in a sharp, simple and honest way on my own self growth and expansion through creating art.
This project is hard, challenging, shaking my very core and very powerful to me, and I hope that the art that I will create, will reflect all of that.